That is one bad (imaginary) settlement dude. Should have made her keep the Switch2 and the cable works and the box, letting you keep the joy-cons. Cause if they work like the old ones; you can just connect those to a computer and use the joy-cons for your games (or mouse + keyboard inputs! ':D) on that, (with a little help from the free controller settings/custimisation options that Steam has).
Also.... Watcha gonna do if one (or both) of your potential children are girls?
Or even worse.... Two peacefull non-violent boys!? D:'
But consider pushing out a third one afterwards. Wild-card, no plans, just see what he (or she) gonna do.
A set of 3 sibblings often have a way more interresting dynamic, than just one or two.